Parenting in the 21st Century: Recognizing the Signs of Cyber-Bullying

by Robert Myers, PhD |  Bullying, Children Media Safety, Parenting, Safety Issues

A generation ago, bullying seemed to occur primarily on the playground, but in the 21st century, this intimidating and unacceptable behavior is as likely to come through a digital device as on the swing set. Cyber-bullying may take place in the online world, but it is no less damaging than its real-world equivalent. In fact, cyber-bullying often extends into the everyday lives of children, and it’s critical for 21st-century parents to be on the lookout for the early warning signs.

Many parents, even tech-savvy ones, are slow to recognize the signs of cyber-bullying, and the early symptoms are often mistaken for typical teenage malaise. Growing up has always been hard, and transitioning to adulthood in the constant eye of social media can be even more intimidating. If you are concerned that your son or daughter is the victim of cyber-bullying, it’s essential to act quickly and understand what they are enduring.

Cyber-bullying takes many different forms, so the early warning signs often vary widely. Some of these early warning signs may be academic: a formerly straight-A student may suddenly start getting poor grades, or a student who was enthusiastic about going to school might start making excuses to stay home.

The cyber-bullying victim may skip school, or they may get into trouble by picking fights with other students or talking back to authority figures. All of these signs are troubling, and they all warrant immediate investigation. Whether the cause is cyber-bullying or something else, parents should be alarmed enough to do further research.

Other signs of cyber-bullying are behavioral and often dismissed as teenagers being teenagers. Victims of cyber-bullying may lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, giving up football, or quitting their favorite sports team. They may change their eating or sleeping habits, give up their favorite foods, or skip family meals. They may stop using digital devices, close their social media accounts, break away from their online friends, or no longer post pictures or updates to their favorite sites.

Parents who spot any of these common warning signs of cyber-bullying should take action right away to avoid further emotional, intellectual and physical damage to their children. Cyber-bullying can have some dire real-world implications, up to and including suicidal behavior. Time is of the essence when dealing with a cyber-bully, and it’s vital for concerned parents to enlist the help of school officials, family members and anyone else who is willing to lend a hand.

It’s Not Too Late! New Year’s Resolutions for Parents and Kids They Can Stick to That Will Make Life Better

by Robert Myers, PhD in Family Building, Parenting, Well-Balanced Family

It’s that time of year again when we take time to reassess where we are in our lives and based on that assessment; make what we refer to as New Year’s resolutions. In most households, the holidays are filled with lots of activity and don’t leave much time for thoughtful reflection, so your resolutions are probably made in the spur of the moment on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day.

I also imagine that most of you reading this, like myself, have practiced this a few times. So how did it go? We often have high aspirations for ourselves for the coming year. However, we’re rarely; if we’re honest, able to keep those resolutions or even remember them down the road.

Our kids may also attempt to make some resolution or at least become resolved to change their behavior in the coming year in one way or another, but most likely are no more successful at achieving them than we are. The problem is that resolutions are not the same as goals. Resolutions are well-meaning statements of our aspirations for a better future rather than concrete plans for change.

Whether the person coming up with the resolution or set of resolutions is a child or an adult, they’re most likely going to end up being unfulfilled dreams or wishes. It doesn’t have to be that way. Changing a resolution into a goal with a likelihood of being attained requires a different strategy than merely attempting to “speak it into existence.”

Here are the key elements to set reachable goals:

1. Goals should be based on realistic expectations.
2. Goals need to be stated in a way that they can be measured.
3. Goals require a plan for implementation usually requiring some smaller steps.
4. Goal setting should include a timeline for completion.
5. While not required, especially for personal goals, having someone other than you, or in addition to you, evaluating the level of success or completion is helpful. It’s sometimes referred to as “who is going to hold your feet to the fire?”
6. Finally, working with a team or a partner rather than going solo also improves the likelihood of success. They can provide encouragement as well as useful suggestions along the way.

This year why not turn this ritual into a teachable moment? You could also turn the process into an opportunity to become more connected with your child or even better, more connected as a family.

If you’re interested in giving this a try, and I hope you are, I’m proposing a process as well as a few suggestions for some goals that are not only beneficial but achievable.

First, I’d encourage you to make this endeavor a “family affair.” If you agree, the first step is to discuss this with your spouse or significant other in your home, or others significantly connected to you and your child, such as a co-parent.

If you get buy-in as a result of the above, then the next step is to suggest to any of your children that are school age or above to join you in this adventure.

Once everyone is on the same page, set a time for a first meeting. The best time could be after dinner on the weekend or whatever works for you. Someone should assume the role of leader to get started. Let everyone share why they think this is a good idea and to go around sharing ideas for their own personal resolutions as well as some possible family resolutions.

After everyone has given their input, the next step is to suggest that each person share how they expect to achieve their resolution. Once all have shared, my suggestion is for you or whoever is leading to reminisce about one or two of your past experiences as a lead-in to opening the topic of wishes or desires versus goals.

The next step is to discuss the difference between resolutions and goals as mentioned above and introduce the concept of brainstorming and goal setting.

Brainstorming is a technique that has been used for years for problem-solving and goal setting. Here are the fundamentals of the brainstorming process:

1. Define the problem you would like the resolution to solve. What happens? Why is it a problem? When does it happen? How often does it happen?
2. Get “buy-in” from all concerned that the problem needs a resolution.
3. Brainstorm possible solutions. Don’t judge–just make a list.
4. Go over the solutions generated during the brainstorming session and look at the pros and cons of each. Is it realistic? Is it achievable within a reasonable time frame? Is it beneficial? Is it too easy or too hard? (We don’t want a goal that makes only a small change nor a goal that is unattainable).
5. Select a solution you think will work. Develop a plan and give it a try.
6. Keep track of success. Change your approach if necessary.

Let’s say your child states their goal is to better in school. That’s achievable, but “better” needs to be defined more specifically. For instance, “I will finish and turn in all of my homework” or “I will raise my grade in math from a “C” to a “B.” However, you would ask, “What will you need to do differently to make that happen?” or “Will you need some help from the teacher or me to make that happen?”

If the goal is to be ready for school on time, you might want to break the morning down into specific tasks such as brush teeth, get dressed, make the bed, eat breakfast, and check backpack. You could also ask questions such as “Are there things you could do in the evening to help, like put out your clothes or check your backpack before you go to school?”

If the goal is more behavioral such as, “I will be more kind to people” or “I will not yell or stomp my feet when I get angry” you could have them come up with behaviors they would use instead of the inappropriate behaviors. For example, “I will say please and thank you when I ask for something and give at least one compliment each day” or “When I start to feel angry, I will take deep breaths and think about something fun.”

Of course, parents may come up with similar goals such as, “I will stop and listen to you when you’re upset” or “I will do something fun with you at least three times per week.” Goals for the entire family could be increasing the number of hugs, listening to each other and asking questions before responding, or having a family game night now and then to have more fun with each other.

You can come up with a method to keep track of the behaviors targeted to be increased or decreased. The results should be reviewed periodically. Be sure to offer praise and encouragement for progress. If progress is not forthcoming, you can conduct another brainstorming session, to look for other ways to achieve the goal or to revise it.

The several examples of possible goals I shared above could be considered “small picture” goals. I want to suggest a few “big picture” goals that could be mutually shared family goals.

Decreasing the time spent on all forms of screen time is one goal you should seriously consider. It seems as if several times per month, new research or new guidelines are released suggesting that all of us reduce our screen time. This is due to both health and social issues.

Too much screen time can interfere with sleep and reduce activity level for adults and children, which leads to significant health and wellness issues. Being glued to the screen while at home leads to social isolation and a lack of connectedness, which is detrimental to both parents and kids. Research shows that lack of contact with others can cause children and teens to be more susceptible to anxiety and depression, and a lack of connectedness among family members results in more negativity within the home environment.

You can have a conversation as a family about the amount of time you spend using your digital devices and when and where you use them. Are you trying to multitask by keeping one eye on the screen and the other on something you’re working on, such as cooking dinner, or while doing homework with your kids?

How about mealtime? Is everyone in the group looking at their phone or tablet at the dinner table? Does the family sit around watching TV during dinner? Do you all eat at the same time? How about when you go out to eat? I cringe when I’m out at a restaurant and see a family sitting at the table with the kids busy playing games on their tablets, and the adults are intensely texting on their phones. I read recently that one food chain is now offering a free meal for families who don’t use their digital devices while in the restaurant.

Another goal that is frequently overlooked area for positive change is to increase the time children and adults spend reading books. Recent research has shown that we all learn and retain more information from reading books than we do from surfing the internet or using educational or informational apps.

Think about reading with your child. Either you read to them, or they read to you, or both.

Also, spend time looking through their book collection and consider getting some additional exciting books for them. Find out what they’re interested in such as dinosaurs, a sport, or astronomy, for instance. Also, ask about what characters they follow on TV or in video games and find books related to those characters. Another great resource is the children’s librarian at your local library. Get them a library card and visit the library together regularly.

Make a fun chart to keep track of how many pages or books they read. Praise and/or reward them for completing a book or a certain number of pages in a given period. While they’re in the process of reading a book or when they finish a book, ask them questions about what they learned. Ask if they liked it and if so, why. Taking the time to ask questions helps you know what type of books to get down the road as well as check out their ability to comprehend what they read.

Getting to bed in time to get a sufficient amount of sleep is another possible family goal. Doctors are discovering that when they ask children or adults about how much sleep they are getting each night, many of us are not getting the recommended amount of sleep based on our age range.

Also, many of us continue to use screen devices right up to the time we go to bed or continue screen time after we get into bed. Research has shown that for both children and adults, screen use should cease at least 30 minutes before going to bed. Failure to abide by that recommendation can lead to altered sleep cycles which can cause us to feel tired during the day, even when we’re getting the recommended hours of sleep.

Ask your doctor about how much sleep you and your kids should be getting each night. Your doctor can also provide information about sleep habits that can help you to get to sleep more quickly as well as to have a more restful sleep.

Finally, increasing the amount of time spent engaging in physical exercise may be something you should consider. Again, doctors are finding that both adults and children are not spending enough time on physical activities.

Thirty minutes per day is the minimum amount of time any of us should spend moving around and doing something physically exerting. Spending more time being physically active as well as engaging in aerobic exercise such as running, walking or riding a bike is even better.

Take time to observe how much time each of your children is spending being physically active each day when they’re at home. Ask them what they do during recess at school. Unfortunately, many schools have shortened the amount of time for these breaks, and quite a few have all but eliminated physical education. Of course, you should also keep a log of your own time spent on physical activity.

Once you’ve had a chance to assess the appropriateness of the time you and your children devote to physical activity daily and weekly, you may come to realize that this is another area in your life worthy of a resolution, or should I say, goal.

If you recognize that lack of sufficient physical activity is another area of opportunity for you and your family, you can raise this as an issue at your goal setting meeting or anytime you feel that works for you.

Increasing one’s activity level is not always an easy goal to set or keep for both adults and kids. In my counseling sessions with families, I often hear push-back on this suggestion from both parents and children. Lack of interest, as well as a lack of time, are the usual arguments against making any change.

An ever-increasing number of today’s kids don’t even think about being involved in any form of physical activity. When asked what they like to do for fun, kids often can go on and on about what video games they play.

Some kids become so hooked on video games that they rush through or fail to bring home school assignments. Others may sneak their tablet into their room and spend hours under the covers in their bed when they should be sleeping.

Some simply state that they’re not interested in sports or any other type of physical activity such as riding a bike or skateboarding. I’ve run into some teens who want to become “professional” video game players.

For some of you reading this, changing this behavior may seem as if it’s too hard to tackle. However, substantial research indicates that this goal shouldn’t be optional.

It may take some time to come up with reasonable solutions to this issue. You may have to resort to small steps taken slowly toward the goal. However, we find that when this a family goal and that some of the activities are done as a family or in pairs, the likelihood of attaining the goal becomes easier.

I wish you luck with your goals in the new year. I know if you take my suggestions, you’ll be happy with the results.

However, I also know that with all of the challenges most families face in attempting to achieve goals similar to those I suggested as well as others, you may feel like it’s just not possible for your family.

My new book, The Well-Balanced Family, provides useful information, successful strategies, and practical tools to make this possible for you and your family.

Dearborn SHINES for Healthy Kids! Voucher This voucher can be redeemed for admission to the Dearborn SHINES Family Night.

Dearborn SHINES

Family Night

Put on your gym shoes and join us for  a family night of fun, healthy, physical activities designed for the whole family – adults and kids! Join us for games and a night you will enjoy with your family!  We will have snacks and refreshments, too.

Where: Nowlin Elementary School

 23600 Penn St, Dearborn, MI 48124

Time: 6:00pm-7:30pm

Date: January 31st, 2019

The start of the new year is a great time to help your children focus on forming good habits.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) provides the following list of ideas for you to talk to your children about trying, depending on their age. ​

Preschoolers

• I will try hard to clean up​ my toys by putting them where they belong.
• I will let my parents help me  brush my teeth twice a day.
• I will wash my hands after going to the bathroom and before eating.
• I will learn how to help clear the table when I am done eating.
• I will be friendly to all animals. I will learn how to ask the owners if I can pet their animal first.
• I will do my best to be nice to other kids who need a friend or look sad or lonely.
• I will talk with my parent or a trusted adult when I need help or am scared.

Kids, 5 to 12 years old

• I will drink reduced-fat milk​ and water most days. Soda and fruit drinks are only for special times.
• I will take care of my skin by putting on sunscreen before I go outdoors on bright, sunny days. I will try to remember to stay in the shade whenever possible and wear a hat and sunglasses, especially when I’m playing sports.
• I will try to find a sport (like basketball or soccer) or an activity (like playing tag, jumping rope, dancing or riding my bike) that I like and do it at least three times a week!
• I will always wear a helmet when riding a bike, scooter or skateboard.
• I will wear my seat belt every time I get in a car. I’ll sit in the back seat and use a booster seat until I am tall enough to use a lap/shoulder seat belt.
• I’ll try to be friendly to kids who may have a hard time making friends by asking them to join activities such as sports or games.
• I will tell an adult about bullying that I see or hear about to do what I can to help keep school safe for everyone.
• I will keep my personal info safe and not share my name, home address, school name or telephone number on the Internet. Also, I’ll never send a picture of myself to someone I chat with on the computer without asking my parent if it is okay.
• I will try to talk with my parent or a trusted adult when I have a problem or feel stressed.
• I promise that I’ll do my best to follow our household rules for videogames and internet use.

Kids, 13 years old and older

• I will try to eat two servings of fruit and two servings of vegetables every day. I will drink sodas only at special times.
• I will do my best to take care of my body through fun physical activity and eating the right types and amounts of foods.
• When I have some down time for media, I will try to choose educational, high-quality nonn-violent TV shows and video games that I enjoy. I will spend only one to two hours each day – at the most – on these activities. I promise to respect out household rules for videogames and internet use.
• I will do what I can to help out in my community. I will give some of my time to help others, working with community groups or others that help people in need. These activities will make me feel better about myself and my community.
• When I feel angry or stressed out, I will take a break and find helpful ways to deal with the stress, such as exercising, reading, writing in a journal or talking about my problem with a parent or friend.
• When faced with a difficult decision, I will talk about my choices with an adult whom I can trust.
• When I notice my friends are struggling, being bullied or making risky choices, I will look for a  trusted adultso that we can attempt to find a way to help.
• I will be careful about whom I choose to date. I will treat the other person with respect and not force them to do something they do not want to do. I will not use violence. I will expect to be treated the same way in return.
• I will resist peer pressure to try tobacco-cigarettes, drugs, or alcohol. I will also avoid the use of e-cigarettes.
• I agree not to use a cell phone or text message while driving and to always use a seat belt.

Source American Academy of Pediatrics (Copyright © 2018)

How to Prepare for Your Child’s Parent-Teacher Conference

Parent-teacher conferences make many parents nervous — еѕресіаllу іf thеir child has behavioral problems or іѕ underperforming. Upon accepting the invitation, as a parent, it may feel as if you’ve received a summons tо account fоr уоur child’s behavior аnd academic results. But keep іn mind thаt thе meeting іѕ оnlу fоr thе betterment оf уоur child’s future.

Parent-teacher conferences are not to be taken lightly as they are an assessment of your child’s development in school. Fоr а successful аnd smooth flowing meeting, thе key lies іn being calm аnd composed.

Parents are typically called to attend a meeting bу thе school professionals. Hоwеvеr, if уоu feel your child’s performance іѕ deteriorating, уоu саn arrange fоr а meeting wіth the teacher(s) long before the parent-teacher conference. Make an appointment for when your schedule allows аnd bе оn time fоr thе meeting.

The following tips will help уоu to prepare for a parent-teacher meeting at your child’s school:

Assess Your Child’s Performance аnd Behavior

Have you paid attention to the papers your child has been bringing home from school? They’re easy to overlook, especially if they’re scrunched up into little balls and stowed away in the pockets of jeans and coats.

Keep track оf уоur child’s academic аnd extracurricular performance іn school. Review hіѕ grades, аnd find thе subjects іn whісh hіѕ achievement іѕ weak оr bеlоw mark. You don’t want to feel caught by surprise if the teacher says, “I’m sure you’ve noticed that Johnny never finishes an assignment.”

It will add to the teacher’s perspective of your child if you describe some of the behaviors you are noting at home. For example, if your child is particularly neat (or messy) about taking care of their room, let the teacher know. It may fit into what he or she is witnessing in the classroom.

Talk tо Your Child

A child’s experiences іn school has аn impact оn hіѕ оr hеr academic performance. A first step is to talk tо уоur child about how shе is getting along wіth her friends аnd teachers at school. Ask her іf shе іѕ facing аnу kind оf problems. If she is, learn whether that is about her grades, extracurricular activities, teacher(s), or friends. Thіѕ wіll help уоu to plan any concerns you would like to discuss during thе parent-teacher conference, as well as ask for help with solutions.

Have a Positive Mindset

Your attitude toward your child’s teacher is likely to be based in part on things your child has told you about him or her. It’s wise to bear in mind the familiar quote from the teacher who said, “If you promise not to believe any of Johnny’s wild stories about what I do at school, I’ll promise not to believe any of his wild stories about what you do at home.” Make up your own mind about this person from what you see and hear.

How you feel about your child’s teacher is going to spill over into the conference. If you still don’t have the “warm fuzzies” towards him/her, it’s best to get your thinking straight before the meeting.

Your child’s teacher is a professional, one who is trained to teach children. As such, he/she deserves your respect. That said, teachers are also human and therefore susceptible to the same human errors and frailties as you.

Although you may feel convinced — and rightly so — that no one knows your child as well as you do, remember that the teacher spends 6-7 hours daily, week in and week out, with your child and knows him pretty well — better than you suspect he/she does.

Teachers would much rather give a positive than a negative report on a student — they really would! The reason for this is obvious — it reflects on their teaching abilities and reinforces feelings of worth and competence.

Accept thе drawbacks оf уоur child wіth а positive frame оf mind, аnd іf уоu have аnу negative feedback, convey іt politely аnd diplomatically.

Your child’s teacher is also sacrificing some of his/her free time to meet with you. (Rare is the conference that takes place during school hours.) Home and family and all that they involve will probably be awaiting his/her attention after the meeting. Therefore, it’s vital that the conference not be unduly prolonged with non-essentials such as descriptions of your other children, your job, etc. Your child’s teacher will genuinely appreciate your honest attempt to respect his/her time and stay on target.

The secret weapon for school success

What research reveals about sleep deprivation and its consequences for academic achievement.

by: GreatSchools Staff | September 30, 2018

 Print article

Is your child having behavior problems and trouble in school? Making sure she gets enough sleep may be the solution.

Lack of sleep is a national epidemic for today’s children, and the consequences are serious.

Sleep deprivation can affect cognitive skills and academic achievement. A continuing lack of sleep is linked to serious health problems including diabetes, obesity, heart disease, depression, and a shortened life span.

Why aren’t kids getting enough sleep?

Children ages 6 to 13 need about 9 to 11 hours of sleep, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Yet studies show that most kids are getting about an hour less sleep each night than they did 30 years ago.

Why? Extracurricular activities, such as sports teams and arts programs, may schedule events at night. Working parents who get home late may feel guilty and want to spend time with their children in the evening. Too much homework and the many distractions of television, video games, and computers all play a role. In addition, all the pressures and stresses of today’s frenetic lifestyles may make it difficult for kids to calm down so they can fall asleep.

Catching up on sleep is not a good option

Parents may think they’ll let their children catch up on sleep on the weekend. But sleep experts at the Mayo Clinic advise against this practice as irregular sleep schedules can affect the biological clock, hurt the quality of sleep and cause greater irritability. Children who sleep in on the weekend may have an even harder time getting up for school on Monday morning, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine. It’s better, the experts say, to keep similar schedules during the week and on the weekends.

Make sleep a priority

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, teacher, parent educator, and author of Sleepless in America, says parents can play a key role by placing a high value on their children’s sleep. She says the first step for parents is to “make sleep a priority.”

“Scientific research links heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and obesity with lack of sleep. There’s also a study out of the University of Michigan,” adds Kurcinka, “that shows that 20 to 25 % of kids with ADHD have sleep disorders. Sleep is not a luxury. This is about health and well-being.”

Some parents may think that their child isn’t sleeping much because he just doesn’t need as much sleep as other children. But Kurcinka doesn’t buy that argument. She says, “When I hear a parent say, ‘He is a kid who doesn’t need sleep,’ generally this means he is a kid who can’t sleep. He needs help learning to calm himself to get to sleep. If I see a child who has behavior problems, can’t focus or pay attention, a child who’s getting sick a lot, craving carbohydrates, I’ll want to look at how much sleep he’s getting. Maybe the child is just exhausted.”

Lack of sleep is linked to a multitude of problems

Several studies presented at Sleep 2007, the annual meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies, highlighted some of the adverse effects caused by lack of sleep — aggressive behavior and bullying, poor grades, poor attention span, disruptions in cognitive and linguistic function including the skills necessary for reading and language development. A few scientists theorize that sleep problems at a young age can cause permanent changes in a child’s brain structure.

Lack of sleep may be the cause of behavior problems

Sometimes lack of sleep will be the reason behind temper tantrums, morning meltdowns and irritable behavior. Your child may not be able to tell you that’s the problem and you may not see it because a tired child may become a wired child-full of energy. “It’s as though their body is out of control,” says Kurcinka. “And it is.”

Kurcinka says parents need to set limits on extracurricular activities and computer time, and become advocates at their school for reducing the amount of homework, and encouraging schools to adopt later start times.

More and more children lack sleep — a disturbing trend

Kurcinka argues that lack of sleep among children is more common now than ever before and attributes this trend to three factors: science, safety, and achievement.

“Science — The research on early brain development and the importance of brain stimulation has meant kids are overstimulated starting at a young age. They begin by watching ‘Baby Einstein’ videos and continue from there. Safety-parents are afraid to let kids go out and play so they provide more structured activities which tend to be organized around adult hours and schedules. Achievement-so much is competitive and overly achievement oriented for kids, from soccer to gymnastics to academics.”

To counter these factors, Kurcinka says, parents should “create an environment that values sleep and is conducive to it. The bottom line is that parents of children who are successful have a secret weapon — they protect their kids’ sleep. Kids who get more sleep have higher grade-point averages. In a study reported in the journal, Child Development, in 2003 entitled ‘The Effects of Sleep Restriction and Extension on School-Age Children: What a Difference an Hour Makes,’ Tel Aviv University researcher Avi Sadeh found that even 41 minutes less sleep each night can affect memory and attention.”

Managing sleep patterns begins in the morning

Kurcinka says managing sleep problems and controlling stress levels begins in the morning by making time for a peaceful family breakfast. She sees it as a way to take time to sit and talk, to “check in” and connect with your child. By starting the day without rushing, you set a calm tone for the rest of the day.

Avoiding bedtime battles

To avoid bedtime battles at night, Kurcinka advocates establishing a calming, predictable bedtime routine attuned to your child’s needs that will help her wind down. In her book, Sleepless in America,she compares the process of getting your child to bed to landing a jumbo jet:

“Landing a jumbo jet is not a simple process. Miles from their destination, the pilots begin to prepare. They check the weather, determine which runway to utilize, the level of instrumentation to use on approach as well as the optimal speed. Once those decisions are made, they start to configure the aircraft appropriately…What the crew is trained to know is that conscientious preparation and a gradual descent lead to a soft landing and satisfied customers. When it comes to bedtime, most children are like those jumbo jets. Their days are often spent ‘flying’ from one activity to another, and they need to gradually ‘glide’ from the ‘high’ of their day to a ‘soft landing’ in bed.”

Spending 20 minutes with your child before bedtime in a soothing activity, such as reading, quietly catching up on the day’s activities, or telling stories, can help provide the calm that will help your child transition to going to sleep. Adjusting the routine, depending on your child’s mood and needs, (just as the pilot adjusts the plane’s landing pattern depending on the weather) will help, too. Some days kids just need a little more connection and attention.

Seven ways to be your child’s sleep advocate

• Talk to your child about sleep. Have a conversation with your child about the importance of sleep. “Educate your child about how much sleep he needs and how it will affect his performance,” advises Kurcinka. “If he wants to do well in his soccer game, or on a test, make him aware that he will do better if he gets more sleep.”
• Encourage your child to establish a sleep routine. Encourage your child to stick to a regular sleep schedule. School-age children need an average of 10 to 11 hours of sleep each night. Insist on a regular bedtime and wake-up time. Have a regular quiet, relaxing bedtime routine such as reading to your child or reading together to help him slow down before going to sleep.
• Say no to late-night TV and computer use. Keep the computer and TV out of your child’s bedroom. It’s a good way to monitor his screen activities and make sure he doesn’t stay up past his bedtime. If he insists on watching TV right before bedtime, you can tell him to start getting ready for bed during the commercials and to record “must-see” late-night shows and watch them at another time.
• Check in with your child’s teacher. Ask your child’s teacher if your child is alert or sleepy in class. If he is frequently sleepy in class, that’s a sign that you need to help him get more sleep.
• The pros and cons of naps. A short nap after school (no more than 30 minutes) may be refreshing, but don’t let your school-age child sleep for hours during the day as this will throw off her natural sleep schedule. It may be a stretch to convince your school to provide a time for naps, but it is done in Japan. Schools there encourage “power naps” at lunchtime, when students put their heads down on their desk for 20 to 30 minutes.
• Exercise plays a role in keeping a regular sleep schedule. “Exercise is very important, particularly getting outside and getting morning light,” says Kurcinka. “But exercise raises the body temperature so it is not a good idea to exercise right before going to sleep. That means it’s important to regulate organized soccer and baseball games so they are not scheduled too late into the evening.”
• Be a role model. Show your child that you make sleep a priority in your own life. Children are more likely to follow your advice if you follow the same rules for yourself.